Blatantly stolen from the comments section of AtS

A guy was lonely and so he decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to
buy an unusual pet. After some discussion he finally bought a centipede, which came in a little white box to use for his house.
He took the box home, found a good location for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the bar for a drink. So he
asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to Frank's place with me and have a beer?" But there was no answer from his new Pet.
This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, "How about going to the bar and having a drink with me?" But
again there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation. He decided to ask him one more time. This time putting his face up against the centipede's house and shouting, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to Frank's place and have a drink with me?

A little voice came out of the box: "I heard you the first time! I'm putting on my
fucking shoes!

Every once in awhile, there's something interesting over at LGF. I won't link them, cause they banned me, but I still check out the comments from time to time, just to see if it's getting any better over there. It ain't, but this was a good joke.